For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
