omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
