Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
