I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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