I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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