he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
