Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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