So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
