you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
