i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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