I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
