She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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