rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
