I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
