Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
