it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
