Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Where is the hickey?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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