mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
