I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
