One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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