I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
