I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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