So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize