Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
