I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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