He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
