wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
