I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
