I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
