Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
