Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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