my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize