I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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