I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
