Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh god it's open bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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