Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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