You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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