I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
