I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
