Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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