I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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