a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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