she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
