doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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