it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize