I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
accomplished twins. life is a go
Four minutes until I can fart!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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