Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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