So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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