apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
