Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
