That's when you crack a 10am beer
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
