Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
