Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
