I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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