i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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