I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize