when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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