Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
