You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
