I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
