dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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