marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
