What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
