Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
