I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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