but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this just has baby written all over it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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