Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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