I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
