i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every concussion has its silver lining
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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