so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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