People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
