I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think i have two assholes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
