She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
